Gaining Ground
by fangirlu
Summary: After struggling to adjust to her new reality, Allison takes a step forward. Set in Matrix Eureka between "The Real Thing" and "Force Quit." Allison/mentions of Jack, Zane.


**Disclaimer: **Have I said before that Eureka isn't mine?

* * *

Allison should have been surprised to see Zane standing in her doorway. Should have been, but wasn't.

Not really.

The only thing that was even mildly surprising was that he hadn't shown up sooner. She'd been more or less expecting him to approach her for quite some time now, wanting to talk, needing to unburden himself on the only other person in town who knew exactly what he was going through.

The last few weeks—twenty-plus long, torturous days that had seemed to drag on into perpetuity—had been some of the hardest and darkest she'd ever had to face in her life. Losing four years in what had seemed like the short space between seconds had scarred her in ways that she didn't even think she'd yet realized. And in ways that she had no desire to fully contemplate.

At least not any time soon.

The jagged wounds caused by missing so many years with her children and discovering that Jack (he would always be Jack in the solitude of her mind) was in love with Jo were still so cracked and bleeding that she was amazed at her ability to climb out of bed every morning.

Logically, she knew it was ridiculous for her to expect that he wouldn't have moved on with his life in all those years. That he wouldn't have found someone else and fallen in love and buried her memory with new ones. But deep down inside—in that place that believed in soul mates and destiny and happily ever after—she had expected forever.

What she hadn't realized at the time was that forever had an expiration date.

Stubbornly pushing the thought away—at least until it clawed its way back into her brain like any good predator would—Allison gave her full attention to the man standing before her. The bright, yellowish cast of the porch light splashed across his muscular frame like a spotlight, highlighting his usual bad-boy uniform: well-worn jeans, boots and the ever-present black t-shirt and leather jacket combo that made him look like every mother's worst nightmare and every woman's secret naughty fantasy all rolled into one.

The dark scruff covering his cheeks and chin was a bit thicker than it had been just that morning,but instead of detracting from his good looks, it only served to enhance them.

"Zane?" She stepped out onto the porch, her bare toes automatically curling in protest against the cold, textured fabric of the dark-gray doormat. Shivering lightly against the early evening chill, she folded her arms across her chest and rubbed her bare upper arms briskly. She tilted her head back and peered up at him. "Is something wrong?"

Dark brows shooting toward the porch roof, he gave her a look that suggested that he wondered if she was all there. As if she'd forgotten something as basic as elementary school math and should have known better.

"Really?" he asked, his deep voice just as incredulous as his expression.

"Good point," Allison conceded with a small nod. In this place, _everything_ was wrong. "Let me try that again." She shoved her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and flashed him a wry smile. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Zane tried to return her smile, but the gesture fell flat. What she got was little more than the slight baring of teeth. "Listen, I was wondering if you had a minute. To…talk."

The chill in the night air was completely forgotten as she stared at him.

Yep, she'd known.

She'd known that sooner or later, after being so unceremoniously dumped into this new and vastly unimproved version of their former lives, he'd seek her out. And for once in her life, she wasn't sure she was glad that she'd been right.

She studied him for a moment, her emotions see-sawing back and forth between relief and apprehension.

Half of her wanted to share her distress and confusion so badly that she was almost embarrassed by her desperate need to bare her soul.

Then there was the other half—the half that was angry and hurting and bitter. _That_ part of her wanted nothing to do with opening up a Pandora's Box that she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to close again. That part wanted to tell Zane that she had other things to do. Important things. Things that _didn't_ involve ripping the bandage off a wound that hadn't even begun to heal.

But why _shouldn't_ they discuss the one thing that had so undeniably bound them together in this new world? They were two sides of the same coin, after all. Two bewildered people who were being forced to live in a waking nightmare every second of every day and smile and nod and act as if everything were okay.

And besides, continuing to deny the undeniable was foolish. As long as she kept hiding from herself, as long as she kept burying her emotions and pretending that she wasn't dying a little inside every day, she would never be able to begin to move forward.

She would never be able to get over Jack Carter.

It hit her then that she needed to finally begin the process of letting go. To accept her new life and move on. To unburden herself from the thousand-pound weight that she'd been hauling around since she'd crashed headfirst into this reality with nothing to protect her from the fall.

Her decision made, Allison finally nodded. The movement was a little hesitant, a little uncertain, as if her head and her heart were still trying to come to an agreement that they could both live with.

Despite her inner turmoil, however, despite her nagging doubt, it just felt…right. And for the very first time in what felt like eons, she felt like she might actually come out of this hell with her heart in one piece. Forever damaged, but mercifully whole again.

"Okay," she said, stepping back inside the house and swinging the door open wide in invitation. She didn't miss the surprise that had blossomed on Zane's face nor the pleased smirk that lifted one corner of his lips. "Let's talk."

* * *

_**A/N: **_I_ originally wrote this piece (well...most of it anyway) early in the season, but quickly lost my appetite for it the longer that the writers dragged out the whole Jack/Jo/Allison/Zane thing. It made sense when they first came out of Matrix Eureka, but the longer it went on, the more confused I was. I could never fully suspend my disbelief enough to buy what the writers were trying to sell._

_And their early characterizations? Ugh. Allison turned into a jealous, insecure high-schooler who was suddenly convinced that a man that had been in love with her for five long years was suddenly going to want Jo because of a fake relationship in a fake world. Jack turned into a 15-year-old boy who couldn't talk to Jo like an adult about his experience or even look in her direciton without throwing food or running away like he owed her money. Zane turned into a pouty, whiny man-child who unfairly blamed his angst on Jack (the same way that Allison unfairly blamed Jo) and did his best to push Jo away with said whining, pouting and unfair angst. The three of them were horribly unfair to Jo by not just sitting down and telling her what went down in the Matrix as soon as they got out. And after a heartfelt conversation with Zane about their relationship, Jo felt a burning desire to confess to Jack that she'd "thought about" being involved with him once upon a time, although she'd never previously expressed any feelings for him beyond friendship in the five years that she'd known him. Say what? _

_Putting aside the fact that I think that Jack and Jo together is just plain wrong (they have more of a brother/sister vibe to me), I was glad when that plotline was over and we got back the characters that we'd all grown to love over the past five seasons. Despite that sizable hiccup, I really enjoyed the rest of the season and will miss the show terribly._


End file.
